major tl;dr version: I will never be a programmer.



I downloaded Wine yesterday, a freeware application for running Windows programs on Mac, Linux, ect. It's undoubtedly open-source mainly for the fact that you have to be a programmer just to install it, but I'd rather be endlessly perplexed than pay $80 for Parallels and risk enormous slowdown on top of it. After 3 1/2 hours of downloading files to install files to download more files, I finally got it up and running and it worked like a dream.

However, it appeared that when you install Wine, it copies the files to obscure places in your Library, so you now have two of every file; one grouped with the others, one where it's supposed to be. I was completely wrong, and you apparently need all the new files AND the installer for it to function. But naturally, I had already deleted it to save a bit of hard drive space.

NOT.

WORTH IT.

I downloaded the installer again to recover the files, when I noticed what was supposedly an easier way to run it. This was the complete opposite, for when I tried the new approach, it only got halfway through before it stopped working due to a missing file. While it had run much faster (I later learned because most of it was ALREADY THERE), it obviously wasn't going to do me any good. Believing the download was corrupt, I went through what I THOUGHT was the full uninstallation process (the hidden files were all left alone), and then deleted it in a fun, new way while I downloaded Wine a third time.

I had learned so much about coding in the process I was able to explore my hard drive using only the terminal (the plain text interface, for you not-nerds out there). When I'd become confident enough to write simple functions from memory, I discovered that deleting files from the terminal was unbelievably faster than emptying the trash. In fact, it had taken hours for the first installer to go through some 7,000 files one-by-one. The terminal did it in seconds.

NOW HERE'S WHERE I FAIL BEYOND WORDS:

While messing around with the terminal, I finally discovered the huge amount of extra files I had amassed. Before I could run the third installer, I created a command to delete any file associated with the name "Wine" to start over from scratch. But, due to my still infinitesimal knowledge of basic code, I essentially wrote the most dangerous virus possible. FOR MY OWN COMPUTER.

I did not properly define that it was only supposed to delete Wine files, so my brilliant program did what I had actually told it to do: start from the top and DESTROY EVERY FILE ON MY HARD DRIVE. Minutes later, still completely unaware, I noticed every file on my desktop had mysteriously disappeared. I checked the uppermost folder, Macintosh HD, for some kind of clue as to why, and I got one: it had already wiped my Documents folder as well. I quickly stopped the code, but it had already removed around 1/10 of my files.

I wasn't particularly nervous, however. I had the insight to back up my hard drive before I started this whole thing, so I assumed I would simply drag in the missing files and be on my merry way. "Not so," says Steve Jobs, "for my products strive to reach unparalleled levels of retarded." For some reason, every folder I transferred screwed it up even more. By the time I got everything back, my desktop was somehow showing the contents of the desktop's [i]parent[/i] folder (i.e., a folder for the desktop sitting on the desktop), none of my fonts were showing up (I had been using the Internet for help through all this, but now there was absolutely no text), and my backup had - even though that is the exact opposite purpose - merged with my current hard drive, so it was an incomprehensible clutter of correct and incorrect documents.

Fully convinced I had no choice but to try reinstalling the OS while starting over with one of my backups - a process many have complained can lose up to 10% of your documents - I inserted the OS disc and restarted. As if I wasn't confused enough already, my laptop never went to the reinstall sc reen. It continued as normal, and in a strange mix of rage and joy, I discovered everything had come back PERFECTLY FINE. The folders were in order, nothing was missing, and my fonts are obviously working again. I'm still not entirely convinced everything is back to normal, so I'm not even going to think about trying Wine again for a while.



And by "a while" I mean maybe a day.









Come on, you can only go so long without I Wanna Be The Guy.